PS3 Me!!

Welcome back! Again. I’m back and better than ever, I promise.

I am now the proud owner of my very own PS3. At this point in my life I assumed I would be playing every game I own from morning to night, stop bathing, never see the light of day, and obviously take up residence in a pile of empty beer cans.

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What do you mean I've spent too much time playing video games?

This turned out not to be the case, I am only playing one game. Portal 2.

I realize that I am not the first to drool over the amazing game play. But a couple of items I must touch on:

  1. The physics engine is outstanding. This cannot be stressed enough. It is so much fun to try and determine how to set your portals so that you can fly through the board at vomit inducing angles like a majestic eagle, a drunk, equilibrium challenged eagle, with no self preservation. The clever use of gels, light bridges, and water tubes keeps the gameplay exciting.
  2. I have not had this much fun listening to a game since, well, never. Okay, maybe the sex scene fail dialogue in God of War III, but still. The star of the show here is obviously Wheatley. With his quirky observations and one liners I laughed the whole way through. Why are the British so hilarious? Follow up, do they mean to be? And with GLaDOS commenting on my appearance I have tried to lose weight, dress nicely and wear makeup alone in my apartment while playing to impress her. I don’t think it’s working.
  3. The multi-player is amazing. I had too much fun being partners in science with my favorite partner on the couch. We finished one of the six play through modules and I couldn’t wait for more. And with the steam connection, we can play again even if he’s in some snow bound, ice pit of desolation, like, say, New Hampshire during the week.
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So, all in all, I can’t stop playing this game. My personal hygiene and social interaction is at an all time low however, my personal life enjoyment is at an all time high! I can’t wait to get the original portal and play through all new boards.

My TV screen may not make it through some of the more frustrating sections of this game but I can always unwedge my controller from the screen and buy another! Portal is turning out to be everything I wanted and more. Now if only I could portal my way to Kramers for a sixer of Rouge Dead Guy, we would really be in business!!

Next time: Hardywood Park beer reviews and of course Assassin’s Creed.

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Jobby Job Job Job

That’s right folks; I may be well on my way to non-poverty city!! That’s good news since for the last billion years or so I have been deriving sustenance from ramen noodles and PBR.  Trust, neither one of those things is worth a damn in terms of actual nutritional value. In fact, my diet is so terrible if I had the money to see a doctor (and I agree with Charlie, what do I look like a millionaire who goes to doctors… psshhhtt) I’m sure they would examine my diet and declare me a medical wonder/mystery and I would be published in textbooks because I am able to derive sustenance from nothing but high levels of salts, barley, hops, and what can only be described as “chicken flavoring” (my theory:  I am actually now so well pickled in alcohol, I have become immortal). 

For me a job means two things 1) I will not be living out of a box on the corner by the old Glass and Powder in Carytown; busking for dollars and getting the homeless discount at Capital (for reals they have one). In other words, I will not become a crusty. And really, have you seen my dog, not one for the homeless lifestyle? (see picture below) 2) I can actually afford to start doing things that I prefer to do in my free time which means I will soon be the happy owner of some delicious IPA and a new gaming system!

homeless homie

The paralyzing shame of being forced to wear this beret keeps me from gainful employment 😦

This offer letter has me running around the museum district high fiving strangers and throwing dollar bills in the air (j/k we all know I don’t have any dollar bills y’all) And even prompted me to do the wrong thing (I have no self-control but, if you know me this is not news).

In the false belief that my ex would still want to remain friends I thought I would share in my new found enjoyment of self and life since he had to suffer through so many omg i’m going to be homeless forever/will never make anything of my life mental breakdowns.  So our texty convo went a little like this:

Me: I HAVE A JOB WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Remember when I was super worried about how I was going to live somewhere other than a homeless shelter forever dependant on the meager handouts I would receive from my compendium of witty homeless signs?! Gone are the days!
Him: How much money are you making?
Me: DID YOU NOT HEAR ME JOOOOBBBB MUTHAFUCKER!!!!  J.O.B job. like salary and benefits… I can see a doctor, something I haven’t done for five years!!! ( btw, once I do, you really must purchase the medical textbook wherein I am featured for my amazing alcohol induced immortality)
Him: Oh, I thought you needed more money to make your dreams come true.
Me: Really!? Ok. Well I was stoked I had a job, in the field I actually wanted to be in, and won’t be facing homeless.  But, true shit, thanks for bringing me back to reality. Getting a job offer (how cute right?!), so soon after I sold my soul for the perfect apartment (that was yes, in hindsight, a bit too expensive), plus now paying for all of the utilities (gas ain’t cheap folks), and that car payment I have to make monthly, not to mention the school loans that will start to come due I guess isn’t really much of an accomplishment eh?!  Well then, I’ll just text you next week when I get that offer for the position of CEO at a large multi-national doucher firm making a bazillion dollars while feeding on the souls of the less fortunate.
Him:
Me: SOOOO glad we’re not together!!!

Sometimes it’s the little things in life, but sometimes it’s the big things.  Like the fact that while I would like to remain on friendly terms with the exer, pissing on my dreams is really making it quite difficult.

So in an attempt to learn from my mistakes (hahaha!! good one.)

Dear Me,
FYI, ex’s don’t usually like to share in your happiness, try and remember that, especially while you are making fancy ramen (it involves chicken and cilantro!! I know I’m a culinary goddess) and drinking PBR’s.  Let’s be honest, during your so called “period of enlightenment” (i.e. you just downed a six pack of PBR) you usually don’t come up with the smartest game plan.  After the five or so PBR’s that seemed like a really good idea, drunk you has now inevitably stumbled upon the best idea ever… a note from sober you, it is not.  Stop whatever you are about to do and go have a ciggy.  That will clear your head. If need be, isolate yourself in a hot shower until common sense returns. Stop drinking PBR and coming up with “the best idea everrrr”. It usually ends in disaster and disappointment, just stop.

So in short, I may be employed but even at 29 I still can’t manage to use common sense/decipher when drunk me has taken over the controls. Sigh.  Good thing I bought a $2 bottle of cab from Wal-Mart.  That’s right judge away (didn’t I just finish telling you I was full of the poverty? that is no joke!).  That means tonight I will once again be drowning my sorrows/celebrating my accomplishments and I wonder what new life changing “ideas” I will come up with!  Probably the secret to all happiness, I think it involves Parliament lights, wine and some kind of pool boy, but I’ll fill you in later when I get to the bottom of it all and by all, I mean the bottle.

Hello future me!

Future me looking for my big ole bottle of relaxation!

BTW. Lauren. Next week: Fort day drinking!?! To celebrate our brief interlude of fun-employment?!

Welcome back

Well, it’s clearly been a while since I last posted and my life has changed a bit.  New job pending, boyfriend ex’ed, and a new apartment!  Sadly, I only have my PSP to play for now but stay tuned, as with a new job comes new monetary gain and with that perhaps a new gaming system!  As far as PBR consumption, well that’s still going strong!  I have some great friends that dropped off two 24 packs for housewarming gifts, they clearly know how to make me happy.  One beery gift was in even in bottle form, which certainly classed up the joint for a while. 

Saturday I managed to get a hold of some delicious Starr Hill Northern Lights IPA.  You should get some too if you love a nice IPA even in the cold winter months.  I can’t say no to it and Starr Hill does a great job of local craft beer brewing!  I picked mine up at Kroger Carytown.

SO GOOD perfect for a little holiday kick-off.  After that I enjoyed some much needed dancing and frolicking at none other than my FAVORITE bar EVER. New York Deli. 

Yes, the music is weird sometimes and the scene is a little different every night but that’s what I love about the place.  It feels like home and I won against a friend in Space Invaders which kicked off the start of a great night. 

My fav game at NYD

Draught PBR in hand and I was dancing all night long.  Needless to say, I may have moved a couple blocks away but luckily NY Deli is still in walking distance which makes me wonder, if I continue to live in Richmond, would I ever move away from NY Deli walking distance?! Probably not! 

Sunday was the best though as I made granola with the most awesome friend ever as we watched the entire Bravo TV line-up.  Judge away but it was a ton of relaxing fun.  Just what I needed as I start a new week.

Well reader (are there any?) that about wraps it up for today.  I will be posting more so stay tuned.

Galaxy Diner Beer Review

I love galaxy diner and the other night my boyfriend and I wandered into Carytown in search of sustenance.  Luckily it’s only about a block away from me and it wasn’t long before he suggested this hot number:

Come for the retro, stay for the pickles!

I love this place, not only because they serve fried pickles with every meal, but because they also have PBR on tap!!  That’s right, I had the pleasure of enjoying an ice cold frosty mug of PBR straight out of the keg.  I feel so much more grown up when I’m able to enjoy my $2 beer in a glass. 

Galaxy is the place to go in Richmond for a fun diner feel, plus the door slides open when you press a button, so futuristic!!  I go here from time to time and sometimes just order an entire plate of fried pickles and a glass of PBR.  At $0.75 per pickle and $2 for a beer, it’s a heck of deal that’s hard for me to pass up!  Everyone should try it out once!

Yuuuuuummmmmmmm!

Mojitos on the Sidelines

Well, I know for some of you I promised only to do PBR reviews but I couldn’t help myself.  I’m reviewing my own mojitos.  My boyfriend and I have been working to perfect the mojito for this unbearable summer weather as a cool drink on the mosquito ridden porch I inhabit.  But, I thought I would take the mojito on the road in this edition of review time. 

Wednesday nights, I can sometimes be found being a supportive girlfriend and watching the man play softball.  He’s really cute in his orange socks and his teammates are pretty cool so it’s always a good time.  This time however, I thought I would make myself a cool treat to enjoy while I rooted the team on.

So here goes: I used a handful of ice, 6 – 10 mint leaves crushed together, then the secret ingredient crystal light lemonade instead of sugar.  Then, pour in the rum, some tonic and bam, the best mojito I’ve had in a while.

Avast I need a cool drink!

The container says I'll over run your decks, the drink says I'm chill!

 Please note, the orange streak on the left hand side of the picture is my boyfriend scoring a run!! Also note, I was busy taking pictures of my drink instead of cheering him on, hey  I didn’t say I was good at the whole supportive girlfriend thing.

So, when the heat gets to you, grab your favorite drink container and make a mojito then enjoy with a fun outdoor activity.  (I like the Jolly Roger container I purchased at Old Navy, just to let people know where I stand on pirate issues)

Multitasker that I am, Game Review 2 – Forgotton Sands

Yes again, I’m behind the curve on this one, but believe it or not my adorable and sometimes forgetful boyfriend forgot to tell me he purchased Prince of Persia – Forgotten Sands, when it was first released.  So, it’s been sitting on his desk with no one there to love it and show it the attention it deserved.

So, yesterday after work I went over and began what is sure to be my new favorite game, but lo! What did I find? A completely new game feel, very heavy on the R2 and to me a little jerky and not as clean as before.  Now, Prince of Persia is based off of the Anvil Engine, the same as is used by Assassins’ Creed 2.  (I am currently playing Assassins’ Creed for PSP as well, uh yeah, I have no life.) Now, while it “promises to bring a Prince of Persia experience like never before seen.” I have the feeling I may not like it quite as much. 

At this point I’ve only played the intro (basically what you just saw in the above trailer), and rumor has it someone played on my game at lunch today… (Nobody plays on a lady’s game!!!) But, I hope to play more in the next couple of days. 

If you’ve already played or finished the game, let me know.  I’m curious to hear what others think particularly as it relates to previous versions of the game.

This one not included:

Oh, ok, you can review this one too!!

By the way, I’m not reviewing any bit of the movie, I am sure I’ll get around to seeing it, but honestly, apologies to the boy Gyllenhaal, but you’ll never be my version of the Prince.  All I can say is that I’m glad Elika won’t be around for this game… such a tease in the last game (and here’s a clue my friendly reader, I HATE when my character doesn’t get a little action, they work hard, save people, the least they can get is a little lovin’) although she is always there to save your ass.
Don't worry this is much action as you get!

Don't worry this is much action as you get 😦

Memes – You Dun Goof’d!!

Ok, part of the blog is where I will be posting some of my favorite meme’s. From the old standby play ’em off keyboard cat to my favorite, amber lamps.  I wanted to take time to post what I find funny entertaining or just plain obnoxious.

This week we have, You dun goof’d. 

Yep, the tweens are back again in this hilarious parental rant by the father of an 11 year old girl who was the target of a 4chan troll.  Now, I have been and always will be a fan of the 4chan.  I am a bit older now so some if it is juvenile but honestly, sometimes postings there are just hilarious!!  PS if you don’t know what 4chan is, don’t go there; I’m guessing it’s not for you.

What strikes me about this particular meme is that the father is like so many of the baby boom generation in that he is utterly out of touch with… well… the internet.  From listening to an entire lecture by a guest on the Daily Show who irritatingly referred to it as “The Net” (it is not 1993 partner) to the now infamous “the internet is a bunch of tubes speech.”  This father rants and raves about how people have “done goof’d up” and will now be “backtracked” and his “in” with the cyber police?!

I will enforce laws with my magical helmet of justice.

I wonder if Dad had an "in" with this cyber enforcer.

While we can all laugh at the ridiculousness of his statements, techdirt had a pretty thoughtful article (for a meme commentary) on censorship and the internet and today’s tween’s http://techdirt.com/articles/20100720/01585110288.shtml.  It’s worth a read and some public debate – feel free to comment away.

Personally, I think no 11 year old should have a webcam, honestly, nothing good will come from that.  The parents are irresponsible, the kid is an idiot, and 4chan is unrelenting (but isn’t that why we like them.)